drop in the ocean (& others)

and up till the last

I wouldn’t have known

that a dull pain was only a drop in the ocean

and grasping for kicks, was all that love was

and wishing,

an unfurnished flavour.

and up until now

my words were all sand in allusions through breaths,

coiled in fins, smoke and mirrors.

each thinner and gleaming,

like a mouthful of wax

in the crux of your brain,

in the dough of your hand.

 

in the nub.

but

 

it needn’t be like that.

I needn’t be a crack in the grand scheme of things,

or a plank in sinking ship.

I needn’t feel as though

I have to be reeling in some sorry sadness to

feel something.

cos some things – real things – aren’t cluttered

and brimming with misery,

but sometimes

it takes time before you see

how things can be

 

*****

 

why is it you?

and how was I made blind?

and why was there none of that usual stuff –

exploding trumpets, cosmic fluffing?

fated fucking

meetings just like any other.

I saw you stretched against the night,

by rolling hills, in folding slats and glancing

off your shoulders

were the lights to make your backdrop.

 

*****

 

I can’t sleep or wake for

thoughts forbidden

in them, you’re decked out and

fancy. free me,

lead me to some function

or another love who

won’t fulfil my longings

(wrong as they are and

parching my head of all sense)

unless you intend

to stick at it,

in which case, fill me

full of all thoughts of you

for my whole mind to thicken

with the more of you

*

18/07/11  –  12/10/11

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