Title’s no longer (optional)

darling, are there
nights enough to kiss you/miss you?
it’s midnight and I might never sleep
without you snaked around me.
only so many
nights in the world/minutes in which to kiss
as such, I think there aren’t enough.
so kiss me double when I next see you,
fill my mind till I can feel you

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this is embarrassing

‘stop embarrassing yourself’

I tell myself and

shelve the flowers, hide them,

powdered face and hands,

I stand on one foot staring

intensely at the bubbles – green,

encased in neon – feeling

strange and unaccustomed

to human contact, much less

with the eyes.

R the first

consulted oracle, historical being

for me to live up to & suck through my teeth

all the words I’d like to say, like ‘Hey,

let’s just be friends’ and ‘when did you first

try me beyond belief?’ and

will this ever end?

and no, I think not, my lot

is to always find fault.

with the consulted oracle, referenced love-being

all things lovely & all being well, I smell

her affected oddities and teasing, torture

humming off her like a flustered ‘please’: please

be with me, love me, hug me

suffocate me

bait me

break me

a thought of all of 30 seconds

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by god I want you far too much and such a yen for looking couldn’t be enough though love, you are lovely to look at and that look you get when you’ve met a clever idea in your head or said something to make yourself laugh and pass me that glint in your eye or sigh into my arm isn’t quite the half of it.

untitled 4, or 5, or 6

you know I’ve said I can’t express

in lines, what shuttles up inside

and why, I couldn’t say although

it’s true I thrive on pain

 

and know that if you wanted it,

I’d write three times as much

as this, a poem every day:

three hundred failed attempts

to say how much I love you

 

and if it should transpire that

I never could inspire all that

awful glowing feeling back

it matters just as much as this –

a glitch, but it exists

we both

well maybe now we both are faded, grown

grey in our downtrodden troughs

and say we won’t burn quite as brightly

as we did when we first fell in love

(in separate pasts, in separate months)

 

but hey, we both are drawn to night skies

filled with lights and signs and promise,

and say, we’re both drawn to each other

maybe ‘cos we saw another light like us

that’s hushed and snuffed?

 

but stuff that screwed us up’s not worth

thought more than this.

And This is all I want to say:

come away with me

and stay forever under all those starlit signs

I’ll always want you more than ever

after all, this – you and I.

2.40am

(I’m scared,

oh boy, I’m more than terrified

that everything I say or do has no effect

and no,

that’s not what I’m trying to say)

I’m scared of the day when

I reduce you to less than you are,

I trivialise, deride you, play your

weaknesses and faults

against you, say you

were no more or less than any other

to cover up my tracks

and dowse myself in lines

and wine

and sleep as if I’d never slept:

awake and lie all day in bed,

saying thinking nothing.

 

and now I’m almost thinking

I’d be better off to skip this –

stop, just lose your lovely

faultlessness –

confess it’d all been a charm,

a dream or something, nothing

(a spin in a cynical light)

 

 

sentiment/sediment

If I could’ve only

done one thing

then it would be enough for me.

To free your mind of malice

 

I’d take you up

like a challenge in my arms

and plant a thousand

imprints of my lips

to sip the sadness from you

 

& when you’re lying on the sofa,

dogged by thoughts and shunning sleep,

I’ll wrap the ghost of me around you

keep you all inside,

contain you,

stop your soul from slipping out

& feeling incomplete

 

circa mid Nov

ode to Martin

create

is exactly what I’m going to do,

fabricate it in my mind:

 

All colours fancy – neon, glowing,

posing like you know what you’re doing,

glowing inside-out from all that

trapped-up sexual tension.

bent on finding out

what reconciliation feels like

– tight –

and we couldn’t be any closer than this,

right on the mark with your timing,

finding me helpless

to resist those eyes, those lines.

They must have watched me spying you,

imploring you to pry yourself

away and into my path.

And there is still no point denying you

my heart.

untitled 2

I’m going to be straightforward:

 

I love him more than words can say.

what can I make, or do

to act as finite proof?

what words will serve

to love him better

than I can

with my lips or hands?